now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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