end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
