I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
