forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
