i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
