omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
