you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
