Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
