I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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