All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
