i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
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how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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