Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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