I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
