Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
