but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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