Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
accomplished twins. life is a go
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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