My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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