I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
