Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
