Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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