I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
