My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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