That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's always time for handjobs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
