It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
