Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
