I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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