cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
