Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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