remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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