Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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