Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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