hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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