it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
