my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
