Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
time to smoke my breakfast
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
