i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
