He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
