What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
