I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
