She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
