Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
