You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
