D3 body, D1 cock
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
