Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
