he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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