she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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