ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
