I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
