"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm having to shit out rocks
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