it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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