i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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