My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
