started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize