dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
