I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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