dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
