I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
