Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
