right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
