Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
