also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
