miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
