So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
