I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
