one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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