I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
