i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
