I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
