I will die if light touches me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
