thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
