I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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