google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
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i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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